you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
