have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
