Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize