i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
