My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize