Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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