Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
