Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
