a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
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