Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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