How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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