I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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