just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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