he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
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