Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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