Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
