bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
