Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
