oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
