it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
