I hate your face
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
