This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
