Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
