She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
