Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
