So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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