She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
