my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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