I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i out mim tonsoeep
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize