In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
