I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
