I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
