This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
