well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
