someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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