You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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