Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
