Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
