There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm getting married
To pizza
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize