I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
