Sober January is a disaster.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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