He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
