Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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