We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
