I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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