You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize