I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
