you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
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