I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
