I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
