Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She's just so happy...and so naked.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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