apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
