u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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