she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
