She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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