i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He told me they were just razor bumps!
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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