How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
