We named our party play list daddy issues
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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