I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
