Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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