Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
