The maid of honor just puked.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize