You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
