omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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