did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
