if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
