You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
