Soap is not a condiment
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
