Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
whose parrot is this?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
