so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
